Souvenirs

I have most of my souvenir shopping done. I've tried my best to buy consumable things, because most people won't know what to do with a kilt-decoration for Scotch bottles or a Holyrood Palace snow globe.

I think, the best souvenir I bought for myself is the twenty Edinburgh Fringe shows I saw. Second behind that is two amber necklaces, dark chocolate KitKat bars (Mmmm), and I've yet to buy a houndstooth paperboy hat...

Missing Edinburgh

I woke up this morning and went out the door. As usual, what I least want to be affronted with at nine in the morning is the smell of hops and barley, but that's Edinburgh for ya. In the morning, in the evening, in the middle of the night, you will get the occasional overpowering scent of one of the two breweries in the city.

It's not so bad, really. I'm going to miss it.

I'm also going to miss walking into one of the several used bookstores around the corner from me. All Edinburgh bookstores are made up of half newer books which means I can buy Catch-22 for £2.50. The other half of the shop is made up of leather-bound Victorian books with gold-lettering and etched illustrations on the inside. Children's books, poetry compilations, novels, they are gorgeous.

I'm going to miss live music in the pubs. There's nothing like sitting in a very Scottish pub, listening to renditions of "Tequila" or bagpipe music pumped with a bellows.

I'm going to miss ambling back to my flat at two in the morning, passing the castle, St. Giles' Cathedral, Greyfriar's Bobby, and assorted wonderfully historic sites. I am so jaded.

And being stared at in pubs, for knitting! This past evening, our normal location was closed so we went to the Oz Bar, where people photographed us, but at least the bartender was really nice.

I'm going to miss Americans standing on Grassmarket, with their gaze set on the fireworks above the castle emitting very loud "Oooohs" and "Ahhhhs".

I'll miss kilt shops. I've never been in one, but their existence is slightly amusing.

Then there's the double-decker buses, with their greenhouse-like upper level, peering down at people boarding the bus. The way the bus inflates and deflates itself with air.

I'll miss calling things "lochs" instead of lakes, "wee" instead of little, "aye" instead of yes, "crisps" instead of chips, ordering my beers in pints and half-pints, thinking in Celsius, Roast Chicken flavored crisps, A4-sized paper, dual monitors at work, wearing three coats in the middle of August...

And this is what we talk about at goodbye dinners.

Cheers!

Monday Review

Stewart Lee - 41st Best Standup Ever! Apparently "March of the Penguins" (a documentary about penguins showing how they make monogamous pairings and each couple carefull raises the young) was jumped upon by Born-Agains as evidence that God wants us to be good, because the penguins are. Stewart Lee wanted to call his show "March of the Mallards", since they're the only animal that reproduces by "gang rape", and are also the only animal to have been caught on tape by scientists performing acts of homosexual necrophilia. Clearly, evidence that God wants us to be evil.

The rest of his show was less entertaining and more repetitive. Typical stand-up.

Sarah Kendall Alternative comedy. A story about how the main performer was almost kidnapped by the Backpacker Murderers in the Belangalo State Forest. It was pretty funny.

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And that's the end of the Fringe! Walking around on Monday night, the streets were empty. It was like nothing had ever happened. Temporary cafes being disassembled, large video screens being taken down, and posters falling off their surfaces. It's kind of sad. My vacation is coming to an end...Now all that's left is fireworks on the 2nd.

Weekend Review 2

Sunday

A History of Scotland (in 60 minutes or less) A good children's show. Didn't really introduce me to any Scottish history I didn't already know, but it was entertaining.
Yamato Chanbara - The Legend of the Sword A Japaense sword-play story interspersed with peace signs and lots of cheesy faces. Nonetheless, it was kinda fun to watch the actors time their sword movements to the pre-recorded sound effects.
Ca$h in Christ Inspired by many Evangelical Churches (mainly the Hillsong Church). I think its major point was to make people afraid of Americans and Evangelicals. Did you know a large chunk of the population in the 'States believe that Jesus will return in the next 50 years?

Saturday

I caught the Saturday-night fireworks again. There should be really big ones on the 2nd of September.
Will Adamsdale: The Human Computer Alternative comedy. Just kind of crazy. The man turns himself into a human computer by using cardboard props and pretending to be the running applications. Not really recommended.
Nina Conti: Complete and Utter Conti More alternative comedy. This one being a ventriloquist. It was really funny.

Friday

We went to the half-price hut and snatched two tickets for half their normal cost. It was pretty sweet.
The Florists Mediocre play.
Potato: A Show That Will Save the World A man with a...9pm shadow dressed in a women's silk nighty walks on to the stage, "Let me tell you about manners. When someone sneezes, like, 'Atch. Oo.' you do nothing. You pretend it didn't happen. Like so. Atch. Ooo. *blank face*." And then, Osama Bin Laden is carried onto the floor by a wheelbarrow, giving a Johnny Walker promotion. Incredibly random humor, but very good. What you expect from the Fringe.

Ceilidh

I was invited to a Ceilidh (KAY-lee) organized by the English tutors at Heriot-Watt.

One of the girls at pub-knitting told me that there's two kinds of Ceilidhs: One, the tame fundraiser-type Ceilidhs, and the other, drunken Ceilidhs. This one was mostly the first type, but with some random confusion thrown in for good measure.

It was a lot of fun, and now I'm exhausted.

Can I briefly talk to you about the point of life?

I saw Mark Watson: Can I briefly talk to you about the point of life? last night at 11pm (it was a bonus show). Between it being his 4th gig of the day, the late hour, his collapsed lung, and a terrible bout of hiccups...he looked like death. He has really good reviews, I expected better, but as I said, he didn't look too healthy. That could be an excuse.

He looked familiar. I believe I've seen him on TV on Mock the Week. [edit: I know I've seen him on "Mock the Week"]

Weekend Review

Friday

Adam Hills: Joymonger Standup comedian from Australia. The best show I've seen so far.

Saturday

Hotel World A play about the death of a hotel worker and how it affects everyone else around her. It's performed by a group of six 14-18 year olds from London. It was good.
Auto Auto Two Germans beat a Vauxhall Astra Mk2 to pieces, shattering the windows turning the roof into a singing saw, etc. They use hammers and their fists to pound beats against the cars as they sing songs from just about everywhere. Entertaining.
Astronomy for Insects Weird as hell, and definitely freaky. It lasted twice as long as it should have, but if it were 45 minutes long instead of 1.15, it would have been excellent, but funky. I definitely didn't catch a transition between the "passageways to other universes" and Santa Claus. But that's what you get from Russian physical theatre.

Sunday

Escaping Hamlet I read a review that described it as "camp", and that's the truest description I can come up with. Hamlet wants to become an actor...some random actress jumped on the laps of the people in the front row. I really don't know why. And the stage and costumes seemed to emit some sort of bad funk.
Andrew Maxwell - Waxin' A fairly popular Irish stand up comedian. He was decent.

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The Udderbelly venue is a giant purple tent that looks like an upside down cow.

Jihad: The Musical

So, last night, on a bit of a whim, I dragged myself to the C and saw Jihad:The Musical.

Things of "note":
"We Jalalalalalalalala-love you!"
"I wanna be like Osama B and be Islamically renowned"
cast members traipsing about in pink-sequined burqas

I say this often, but with scenes like that, how could it not be good?! There were Afghani stereotypes, French stereotypes, American stereotypes. It was amazing and most definitely not PC. Not bad. Just...different.

The Fringe this week

Two comedians: Adam Hills and Andrew Maxwell. One play, Hotel World.

And of course, one weird-ass show:
Astronomy for Insects: Moscow's Fringe First, Total Theatre award-winning 'Alien Circus' blackSKYwhite troupe present a show about passageways into worlds that are other than human and those secret parts of Santa's trip on Christmas Eve. 'Poignant, terrifying, exhilarating' Guardian.

I have some difficulty convincing people that The Fringe isn't about seeing world-class productions. It's about seeing undiscovered artists and funky stuff you can't find back home. *ahem*. lol

Shows, Shows, and More Shows

Macbeth: Who is that Bloodied Man? was good. I think if I had read the play I would've known what was actually going on, instead of being solely amused by the stilts, fire, rolling lawn mower of beheaded ..heads, and the added bonus of motorbikes. Yeah. It was strange.

Best of Scottish Comedy was a typical stand-up comedy club/show, except everyone talked so fast I barely understood them half the time. Additionally, they had "standing room only". More amusing was the guy dressed up in a penguin costume all day (Stag party).

I was home around midnight to catch the fireworks over Edinburgh Castle from the window in my hallway:

Insomnia

It's 3:30am and I'm not even a little tired, despite trying to sleep for the past four hours.

And what do I do with this newfound chunk of time my insomnia has given me? I read through the Edinburgh Fringe guide, and take photos of boring things. Like, this ad from the catalogue:

The bottom reads, "Only Scientology can save you now!"

Friday I'm going to get some pizza (which I could kill for) and see this show. Anything that involves Shakespeare, stilts, and fire is a classic, for sure. Saturday evening I'll be going to see Best of Scottish Comedy. What's next? The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain? The best Eagles tribute ever? A Yiddish cabaret?!

I dunno, but I'm wondering if "Camille" is the same French artist I listen to back home...despite her being labeled as Irish. lol. [edit: the answer is "no".]

Military Tattoo

What's that? Taiwanese girls in gogo boots standing next to American colonialists...standing next to the only steel drum military band in the world?

If that doesn't sound like fun, I don't know what does. Oh, wait. I forgot:

How could I forget playing trombone while riding a horse?!

Needless to say, I just returned from a very awesome (and very half price) Military Tattoo "Preview". By "Preview" it means we get to see all the media photographers get trampled by a Russian military band doing seemingly random marching sets. It was so great.

Arthur's Seat

So. Edinburgh has seven rather large hill-ish mountain-ish things surrounding it. After a fabulous meal at David Bann I headed out to Arthur's Seat, one of the aforementioned seven hill-ish mountain-ish things.

It didn't look too bad from the bottom.

...but that was before I got halfway up and the wine kicked in a second time.

A pretty view during one of my breaks.

There were lots of slugs and snails along my way.

It only took about a half an hour to reach the top, and then I took some pretty photos:

What you see there is the National Monument on Calton Hill. It was supposed to be a model of the Parthenon, but they ran out of money after 12 columns. It has been known to be nicknamed the "shame of Edinburgh".

I determined that perhaps having the smaller glass of wine with my dinner would've been a better idea. Somehow, exercising immediately after it has left me rather impaired all evening.

Climb

Today, I walked past the castle. Then, I climbed the side of the cliff up to the castle, at which point I proceeded to walk down the other side. To top all this excitement off, I bought 6 pairs of socks and found a yarn supply inside a John Lewis department store.

Yes. I'm that exciting.

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Oh, wait. I lied. I also went to the "Scotch Whisky Experience" which was sort of like a haunted house ride...through the history of whisky. The bonus was a free sample of the cheapest whisky they had on offer. Which is great, because it burns.

I befriended an Indian couple who bought the 4-region whisky sampler, and was obliged to finish off their "Island" whisky. If they could put a BBQ into liquid form, whisky from the islands is it.

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Photos from today's walk about town:

Old Town over Waverley Bridge

Waverley Bridge doesn't cross a body of water. It used to cross swamplands that have since been turned into the Princes Gardens...along with Waverley train station.

New Town from the side of the Castle's cliff. That front row of buildings is Princes Street (I've posted photos of it before...). Behind you see the water. Maybe some weekend I will head out to Ocean Terminal...

Lots of people headed to Edinburgh Castle near the Whisky Experience

To market, to market

I finally found a good day (rather, a good two hours. It began pouring immediately afterwards) in which to take a photo tour of the city. Or rather, more specifically, a photo tour of my route to the grocery store. As the summer wears on, perhaps I'll actually spend some time in a few of these tourist traps. Or perhaps not.

I've drawn out the grocery route above. It starts at the bus stop along Princes St. (after work)

Royal Scottish Academy and National Gallery

Princes Street

Old Town (I like the way it looks. It's very Edinburgh)

The view of Old Town over Waverely Bridge

Market St., with the Edinburgh Dungeon on the left.

We took an early turn, need to take a side-street/stairway up to Cockburn St. There's usually a restaurant or two tucked away along these "closes".

Cockburn St. Kitschy shopping (a lot more open & full when not on a Sunday).

Cross the Royal Mile which leads to Edinburgh Castle, but I take it the other way. To South Bridge/Nicolson St.

South Bridge/Nicolson St. It gets progressively more residential and city-ish.

Tesco Metro Supermarket!!

A (former?) church, as I walk along the Royal Mile.

Victoria St. has some more small shops, and it leads directly to Grassmarket.

Grassmarket, the place of many pubs and former hangings.

Another angle of Edinburgh Castle, peering over Grassmarket.

And that's it! (Grassmarket is literally a 2 minute walk from my doorstep)